Noir finally reviews the KFC Double Down.

This time, I forgo any attempts at assigning a score. My brilliance is far above arbitrary numbers. At least, unless people like numbers. Then I may make concessions so that your brains can be told how much I like or hate something using easy to digest digits.


Oh how dare they. How dare KFC decide that their sandwich is too good for a bun. How dare they saddle the consumer with an unholy concoction that will surely only serve to further fatten and kill them? The audacity! Damn you KFC, damn you and your machinations. If it wasn't so delicious, and if I gave a crap about any of that other stuff, I may have choice words for our good friend the Colonel.

So for those of you who live under a rock, the Double Down is two hunks of fried chicken, with bacon, cheese, and special sauce between them. It baffles my mind that anybody would order this thing, and write up a review about how the damned thing doesn't have a bun. That's just people looking for a reason to whine about something. And that makes me hate them.

And is it delicious? Yes it is. It's also expensive as hell. Mine cost me over almost six bucks, which is more than some of their value meals. So if there is a downside, it might be the cost. Some might argue that the nutritional value is another giant downside. But I call them weak.

Seriously, why complain about how the fast food sandwich has enough sodium to kill you outright? It's no mystery that fast food is pretty much lethal. You don't go there because it's good for you. You go there because it's food. Served fast. Hence, fast food. Don't be that guy who orders six cheeseburgers, then orders a Diet Coke because you're "watching your weight." Nobody's buying it. You are full of delusions my friend. Hell, some fast food salads are worse for you than this thing. Shut up.

So, it costs a fortune, and it's pretty much lethal. But is it delicious?

Yes.

I admit I don't know what the secret sauce tastes like, as mine was suspiciously without the secret concoction. It was also searing hot, spitting its flesh scorching juices at me with every bite. That's right, this sandwich is already at the height of audacity with its refusal to wear a bun, it also attempts to sear your tender flesh. How can you not like that?

Maybe I'll grab another one and try again, when I don't need to take out a home loan to afford it. But for the time being, I was impressed. And maybe that's the way it should remain. Like, forever frozen in delicious time. A memory of goodness that can never be revisited again, or I face tarnishing that memory.

So yes, I like it. Take your bunless meat prejudice and shove it.